Sam will be here in a few days!!

I found out (second hand, from the house keeper), that the ex has a gf and she has stuff over at the house.  I think that would be really weird to be staying with a divorced guy with all of his ex-wife’s furniture in the house.  Weird.  Not to mention, that was mine and ex’s marital bed.  And the office was my office.  And I took baths in that huge garden tub in the master bathroom.  I’ve never been a jealous girl, and I am definitely not jealous in this case, maybe feel more violated than anything.  I mean, that was my house, too.  And now there is another girl in MY room and on my furniture and on my sheets and using my sink.  I think that’s what is the hard part.  It’s all just a lil weird to think about.

Sam will be here in a week.  I am not sure how I feel about all of it these days.  After a bad date a few weeks ago, Seattle and I skyped (and let’s just say I was a lil drunk).  Of course, me, being me, got all emotional.  I really like him.  But, as much as I want out of him would be to date him – not exclusively at all.  I think I am frustrated that he doesn’t want to date me and I am frustrated that he won’t be honest with his feelings about me.

Boys.

Sam is letting me know tomorrow what days he plans on coming to see me, so, I am pretty excited about that!  I mailed his B’day and Christmas package off today!  Very excited about that!

I’ve decided I want to blog more. Rather than just thinking about doing it, I’m starting right now.  I will be posting on this blog once a day for all of 2011.

I know it won’t be easy, but it might be fun, inspiring, awesome and wonderful. Therefore I’m promising to make use of The DailyPost, and the community of other bloggers with similiar goals, to help me along the way, including asking for help when I need it and encouraging others when I can.

If you already read my blog, I hope you’ll encourage me with comments and likes, and good will along the way.

Signed,

me

It’s not too late for me to take back my “yes” and tell him, “NO!  NO!”  I don’t want to know!!  But, I do want to know.  Just for a second.  Then I want to forget that I know.  Too bad we can’t unlearn something we learn.

Here’s my prediction:  he saw one girl multiple times.  It never got serious.  Since then, I think he’s been out on a few first dates.  Maybe he landed a second date.  That’s it.  I am scared to know how right or wrong I am.

Ok, so I was WAY off.  Since September, Sam has had zero dates.

I would apologize for my absence; however, it’s my blog.  As I’ve said before, so my rules apply.

Why have I been gone?  When I got back from seeing Sam, my life began to change drastically.  It’s not a result of seeing Sam, but external factors.  Perhaps it was the inability to deal with my emotions and feelings revolving around everything.  Or, perhaps it was just my lack of desire to deal with them.  Regardless, it doesn’t matter.

So, what’s been going on, you might ask?  I mean, I DO have such an exciting life!!  :)

Let’s back up to my last entry.  I was about to head to a job interview and then to Mexico.  The night before, my parents told me they were putting an offer on a house 10 hours away, which meant 1) my parents were going to be FAR away and 2) the dog and I would be homeless.  I had to nail my interview – or else.  Mom and dad bought the house while I was in Mexico and God took care of me like He always does.  I am not sure that I nailed the interview, but I got the job.  I quit my old job, took 5 week off and packed.  And, with that much time off, I had to go visit Sam one more time since I knew I wouldn’t have any personal leave.  We had a really good time together and even made a quick trip to Canada.  The second trip to see him was amazing.

#7 reappeared and flew over to eat dinner with me.  Yup.  Flew over for dinner.  We went to an art museum and had dinner.  Good time.

So, I packed up.   Mom and Dad packed up.  I moved and started my new job.  #7 came over to see me.  Mom and Dad did a “light move.”

I continued ignoring any feelings I had.  About being so far away from my family.  About my parents up and buying a house SO far away, which meant we would be further apart.  About living by myself and having to make a million decisions by myself.  Again.  About my new job and my CRAZY boss.  About missing Sam.  About living in an apartment with a dog.  About the movers dumping 6,000 pounds of crap in my new apartment and walking out.

So, I broke down.  I broke down.  A very rare thing, trust me.  When I break down, it’s bad.  Life had gotten to be too much and I cracked.  It’s only the second time in my life it has happened, so that’s not bad.

My sister told my parents how upset I was and then my parents trekked over to come help, for which, I will forever be grateful.

Things are settling down.  I’d say about 80% of the boxes are empty.  I’ve sold some stuff already.

I don’t really talk to #7 much more.  He was supposed to come over for a concert and cancelled at the last minute.  Then said to me that he didn’t really “see this going anywhere.”  Which, I can appreciate it.  We never even discussed whether or not we were dating.  I never even assumed we were.  He actually ended up coming over for Thanksgiving.  He slept most of the actual turkey day and didn’t help out much.

Sam.  Sam is still in the picture.  He’s planning on coming to see me the first weekend in February, so I am pretty excited about that.  We shall see what happens!

As for the purpose of this blog, since it’s been over a year…

“To see how much I have transformed in a year.  And, I don’t see the point in waiting until Jan 1 to start.  The transformation must come physically, emotionally and spiritually.”

So, 2010 was my “Eat Pray Love” year, apparently.  But mine was more like “Eat Pray Travel Eat Move Eat”  I spent 2010 completely selfish and denied myself nothing.  Not one trip.  Not one ounce of chocolate that I wanted.  And, needless to say, I have the spare pounds to show for it.  Now, I could sit here and ask myself if I regret the weight-gain, but what’s the point?  The food was good!  HA!

My growth assessment in the three areas are as follows:

physically – yeah, i grew.  :(  But fear not.  2011 is a different year.  You might ask, why is 2011 going to be different?  Because now, I am tired of eating and feeling like crap, so all the bad food is gone.

emotionally – I definitely grew.  This time last year, I was not ready to move out and live by myself.  I wanted to, but I just wasn’t there yet.  I knew the right job had to come along to warrant me getting off the road.  And, when I was ready, God gave me the opportunity.  At least, when He thought I was ready.  I am definitely stronger emotionally than I was a year ago.  Yes, I had a “break-down” and really needed help, but it took a lot for me to admit I needed help.  It’s sometimes tough being the independent one because everyone thinks you can handle everything.  Everyone thinks you always have it together.  (Which, for the most part, I do).  I am probably even more laid-back than I used to be.  Things that may have upset me in the past, I totally shrug off now.

spiritually – my spirituality has definitely blossomed.  I am an even better truster of God and His plans for me.  I have really open my mind to other denominations and religions and know that Methodism is for me.  I am very happy with my progress in this area, but this area will always be a top priority for me.

So, stick around.  I am now off the road and don’t have any personal leave at work, so I can’t go on any trips – which means there’s always a computer handy for me to blog on.  2010 was an amazing year for me and I am sure that 2011 will be even better.

I’ve been silent for awhile.  My blog.  My rules. 

I am leaving the country again tomorrow. 

The rest of the time with Sam was a lot of fun.  He is funny, smart, VERY sweet, kind and cute.    He even bought me flowers and I forgot one of them to bring home.  He pressed one of them tonight for me so I can keep it. 

I haven’t heard from #7 in two whole days.  No big loss there.

Ok, i am sleeping in.

Peace out.

I talked to sam for awhile today. He mapped out and emailed me a walking tour of downtown seattle & things he thought i would like to see. I thought that was sweet. Emailed awhile with #7. Thats it.